Last week I spoke about control, or lack of it, when 'stuff' happens...I also spoke about how we can still regain some control by choosing how we react or respond in any given situation.
I have realised, recently, how much I have affected my own life because of that desire to be in control of my own destiny, especially when watching 'I'm a Celebrity' (my guilty pleasure), when two contestants were left out of the chosen teams and became labelled as 'The Underdogs'. ..and maybe I noticed this more because I experienced something very similar last week!
Now, I have never been good at sport, I wasn't part of the cool club or the brainy set at school and I didn't share hobbies with others...mainly because I didn't have a horse!
Consequently, when it came to being picked for teams in games lessons or partnering up for science practicals, I was always one of the last to be chosen...and it hurt, so much, when I was 10 years old.
So I learned to stand back, stay quiet and make myself small, grey and invisible, because that way, I was in control of my destiny - I was choosing to be 'not picked', rather than giving others the choice...and that empowered me in my own little universe.
Of course, that was years ago and I have learned a great deal since then...until that moment last week, when I found out I hadn't been picked for the team...and all those feelings of inadequacy and lack of control came flooding back!
Luckily now, I have a far greater sense of awareness than I had when I was 10 and so I was able to reflect on the feelings triggered and put them into perspective. More importantly, I am more aware of the life choices I make when choosing to stay small and unseen, stepping back so the 'real talent' can shine.
Thank goodness for Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”