My son, Tom, has been deeply affected by his recent relationship break up. It is so hard to watch someone you love suffering, and feeling that you are unable to ease their pain.
I continue to remind myself that one of the important things to do in this situation is ‘pacing and leading’. I’ve walked with Tom through his pain and I’ve picked up and held his torch for him, just for a while, so he can still see the path ahead…that’s what mums do.
Empowering others is all about giving people back their torches, so they can carry on with their journey. Tom is holding his own torch again now and is once again making his own way in life without my support.
He mentioned that someone at work had asked him who was giving him the best advice right now. Without hesitation he said ‘Mum’ – yet all I have done is kept the communication channels open, asked questions and offered reframes…and held his torch whilst he picked himself up, dusted himself down and carried on.
I’ve not given him any advice at all – I’ve just enabled him to take back responsibility for holding his own torch.